Elizabeth PR

I PR'ed on Elizabeth today. I did it to standard (95#) and shaved 5 mins off my old time at 24:14 today.

The cool thing is the last time I did this, I failed at at least 9 of my cleans. I didn't fail at any of them today.

Last time during the "21's", I could barely do one ring dip at a time, and I failed on a LOT of those.

Today I started each set with 5, then went to 3's, then 2's.

I'll never forget watching my first CrossFit Games in 2009. I remember thinking "if I could learn to clean 95#, that will mean I am getting somewhere".

Wow.

Good thing is, the ante keeps getting raised. At last year's Games, the women were cleaning 135 like it was nothing. I imagine this year it will be 175.

That's cool. I'll keep forging ahead...continually trying to catch up to the best.

Fire and Ice

I attempted to do a scaled version of War Frank on Friday--3 RFTO 25 Muscle Ups, 100 Squats, 35 GHD Sit Ups. Since I don't have a muscle up yet, I was to do 25 Deadhang Pull Ups and 25 Ring Dips per each muscle up.

The first round took me about 25 minutes. Damn. I just don't (yet) have the strength to bang this out, and I am not happy about it.  Sean, one of my coaches just kept staring me down. I knew I'd better do it or die, so I kept pushing on.

I hate being humiliated. I hated that it took me so long. Thank God I'll be doing some serious strength training in the coming months.

I kept envisioning some of my female heroes in my mind. I kept seeing myself one day being strong like them, and I kept going.

Saturday I ran half the Mount Wilson Trail race, since one my clients had never set foot on the treacherous trail, and she's set to run the race next weekend.

Sunday I ran 6.2 miles on a great uphill trail in Griffith Park with some of our peeps who are training for the Camp Pendleton Mud Run.  Needless today, when I got home, my body was TOAST.

You know you're in pain when....

I decided to take an ice bath.

After the initial "it's freezing" shock, it wasn't half bad.

Now it's time for some good sleep.

CrossFit Survival got the building we wanted. There are some harried days up ahead, however, as it's a real "fixer upper".

I can't wait to get this place ready.

We've been at the mercy of the parks. As a result, there are simply some things I haven't  been able to teach yet.

Kipping Pull Ups await!

New Era

Since January, I have been privileged to have either a) been training for a potential spot on TCFA's Affiliate Cup Team or b) been training with the team as an alternate.

This has made me so much better as an athlete. Not only did I manage my first two squat thrusters at 95#, I also did 100 OHS at 1/2 bodyweight--not in a row, but in an evening...and I could've gone heavier.

I did multitudes of double-unders, hspu, cleans, squat thrusters, deadlifts (heavy) and Warrior WODS that were heretofore unfathomable to me.

I am beginning to glimpse what I am capable of, and I like it.

It's time to hit it even harder, as I am ready to take my performance to the next level. I also uncovered many weaknesses. It is time to conquer those.

Additionally, I celebrated one year of instructing CrossFit last week. My affiliate, CrossFit Survival, is preparing to move from the park to an indoor facility. My clients are getting stronger, fitter, faster. I am improving as a Coach.

"Leap and the Net Will Appear".

Damned straight.

Doin' Whatever it Takes

Today my coach said, "Good" twice to me--once during my front squat reps and once when I was speeding through my last set of 10 reps of Grace at 55% my 1RM (60#).

Wow.

I have waited 19 months for this.

You see, my coach doesn't say "good" unless it IS good.

Holy Fucking Wow. I am finally earning this.

Halleujah it feels good.

I don't take it for granted...no way. I've done that before.

You see, towards October of last year I sort of went adrift--forgot why I was in CrossFit in the first place, took my "status" in our box for granted. I got lazy.

My PR's still came, but they took FOREVER.

My "verve" was gone.

However, thank the gods it is BACK!

I am 45 and one of the top women in my box. Each day I fight to be better than the day before. Each day I KNOW why I CrossFit.

I CrossFit b/c I am infatuated with being strong.
I CrossFit b/c the confidence I have gained is worth more than all the money I've ever paid for any other sort of self-help in my life.
I CrossFit b/c now I have a driving purpose.
I CrossFit b/c I can.

Mostly I CrossFit so I can pass it on to those around me...and now they too love to CrossFit.

Getting Stronger Every Day

Last week I set out to break my old Shoulder Press PR of 75 lbs. Although I managed 3 reps at 75, I just couldn't get 80 lbs over my head--despite 3 attempts.

Yesterday, I tried again. I easily did 5 reps of 75 to warm up. And indeed, 80 lbs went up like cake!

So I tried 85, but to no avail.

Let's try again next week!

Doing 25 push ups daily is really making my shoulders and arms so much stronger.

On another note, I have put on over 6 lbs!!!

I followed Paleo/Zone pretty diligently for over a year. I did so well at it, that I became too thin! My energy started to suck. I was stressed out a lot. Add to that the fact that I was averaging somewhere in the neighborhood of 5.5 hrs of sleep a night, and I knew I wasn't doing as well as I should be.

Now I eat like a horse! I'm still Paleo in Zone proportions, but I eat between 18-20 blocks of food a day AND I drink 1/2 gallon of grass-fed raw milk daily.

I LOVE MILK!

I have to say that changing that one thing has made a huge difference on many levels.

1. I have gained almost 6 pounds in just over a month.
2. I have gotten much stronger proportionately during that time period.
3. I have WAY more energy than before.
4. My skin feels like silk.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

You Gotta Have Friends

God I love my friends. Recently a group of 3 of us women (2 of my awesome clients--Jenny and Jacque and me) all took up a challenge designed to help each other out.

Jenny's highly allergic to gluten, but craves CAKE!

Jacque needs to watch for drinking too many beers.

I also wanted to stay sober for an extended period of time, plus I wanted to do 25 CTD push ups daily and ensure I get an average of at least 6 hours sleep per night--a huge improvement over before. I also added to my goals ZERO non-grass fed milk, as I am highly allergic and sick of putting myself in gastro-intestinal hell out of laziness due to Starbuck's.

Anyhow, if any of us screw's up, we have to do 5 minutes of burpees (straight) per transgression.

Burpees are a terrific penalty, I find to deter one from doing something they shouldn't.

And the cool thing is, when you finally have to pay your penalty, at least you are getting something incredibly beneficial as a result--despite the discomfort of having to do them!

Yesterday, I had accumulated 20 minutes of penalties (due to not remembering to do my push-ups), and Jacque had accumulated the same due to drinking 4 beers.

So via texting, we started and stopped one another and got the work done at our respective homes.

I was sweating up a storm!

Needless to say, I accomplished 200 burpees with all but 20 including CTD push ups.

So we're all winning.

Jenny's only cheated once--keeping her asthma under control.
Jacque's cheated a few times, but is doing much much better than she was.
I've missed a few days of 25 CTD push ups, managed to stay sober almost 30 days and have been averaging almost 7 hours of sleep per night. I've also avoided drinking icky grain fed milk and including the burpee penalties, I'm getting stronger at something I suck at!

Cindy PR

I did 16 Rounds of Cindy today. Good news. Last time I did it I was only 10 squats short of 16, so anything less today than that would've sucked.

I moved back in with my longtime boyfriend of 8 years today, Dan. Finally!!! It feels good to be home.

So I gave into Her

Ok. So I did the real deal last night--ELIZABETH to Standard.

HOLY FUCK.

All I can say is "I did it". Freaking Wow!

21-15-9 Cleans at 95# and Ring Dips. It took me 36:35. Interesting in that it only took me about 7 minutes longer to do 15 more of each than my "Mini" version did last week.

I think I am getting stronger! ;)

Actually, I KNOW I am a changed CrossFitter when I find myself really pining for the Warrior WODs and the Benchmark WODs that incorporate WEIGHT.

This is very new to me...and very exciting.

My Mom always said life begins at 40.

I think she was right.

Elizabeth is calling my name

Ever have one of those days where if you don't get a hard workout in, you just might kill someone? Last night was one of those.

I wanted to do something HARD. Indeed, being on the leader board and vying for a spot on our women's team for the Games gives me PLENTY of options.

I felt intimidated by the scope of Elizabeth. My PR on the Clean is 108, but that's a Power Clean. These 21-15-9 Cleans at 95# have to be real cleans.

Vanessa gave me an excellent idea and suggested I do a "Mini Elizabeth" at 15-9-6 just to try it out for size. Good call.

The cleans were a real challenge, and definitely not fast. But I did them. The ring dips, much like my recent foray into multiple HSPU lead me to muscle failure and having to wait to be able to do them one at a time.

But I completed my Mini Liz at 29:00 (or thereabouts). That means the whole baby would've taken me close to an hour to CJ's 17 something?

But I'm okay with that.

The fact that I can even pretend to attack Hero WODs is fucking awesome. Is this really me? Sometimes I feel like I am living in a dream, because this life is so beyond what I once believed I could have.

Getting to be a Big Girl Now

Ok, you know how you set some goals and you think "when I reach that milestone,I'll know I'm playing with the big girls now"?

I'm not there yet.

But I am closing in fast.

Today I PR'ed in the Snatch by 10# to 83. My old PR was 73, which happened 3 weeks ago. Before that, I was stuck at 70# for about 3 months. And, I got under the bar 3 times at 88; I just couldn't stabilize. I think that PR is just around the corner.

I also PR'ed on Clean and Jerk, although only by 5#. Still, never knock a stat increase, so I am glad. I power cleaned 113, only to drop it in the jerk.

No biggie. Once again, I know I am closing in on the prize.

Eric asked us for goals recently. Honestly, I haven't had a spare minute between training and running a business to really sit down and think about it. But I can name two goals right now off the top of my head.

I want a 100# Snatch by the end of June.

I want a 135# Clean and Jerk by then too.

I was talking to my friend Jeff tonight. We are both amazed that WODs and weights that virtually seemed unthinkable not so long ago are suddenly within our reach.

I swear the 2011 games are calling my name. I would love to represent the over 45 crowd of women badasses.

Mikey Campi said it best, CrossFit does what religion is supposed to do. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Standard is Becoming Standard

I did Grace tonight to standard. 30 Clean and Jerks at 95 pounds. I was pretty nervous going into it, as my max Clean and Jerk is only 103, and 95 pounds is akin to doing 90% of my 1RM 30 times.

I took my time. I failed probably 1/2 a dozen times--either in the clean or the jerk. My time is nothing that will impress anyone at 22:21 (or something like that).

The last time I did Grace was probably 7-8 months ago with 65#, and it took me about 30 minutes.

However, I did it to standard this time.

So you know what that means? That means I can do it again, and if my past stats are any indicator of my future ones, I'll get faster and faster, and before you know it, I'll have a Grace score anyone could be proud of.

I did Diane last week. As part of the try outs to see who gets to be on our affiliate's team for the CrossFit Games, we do have a women's standard, as several of the heavier Warrior WODs came up in the draw. Thus, for us, Diane's "standard" for the deadlift was 155.

So I did 21-15-9 of Handstand Push ups and 155# deadlifts. Once again, VERY SLOW. I finished in 29:29. But I did it to standard.

It wasn't the deadlifts that were the problem. I even managed the first set unbroken. But right around the middle of the set of 15, my HSPU started failing. I had taken my muscles to failure. So I had no choice but to WAIT.

I had to WAIT for the glycogen stores in my muscles to replenish, so I could go another time.

All I know is the next time I do it, in 3 weeks, I'll be faster and better.

And some day, I predict it will be later this year, I might even be able to start competing with the "big girls"--those badass women who are the best of the best nationwide. I will get there. I will be able to hold my own against them.

You just wait and see.

Ready Set Go

Starting to Journal my Food and WODS in preparation for the CrossFit Games Sectionals and/or a place on Team CrossFit Academy's TEAM.

Breakfast--4 Blocks
1 c weak coffee with 1tbsp organic milk (weak coffee doesn't upset my stomach at all)
2 eggs
2 oz ham
1 pear
2 figs
1/2 avocado

WOD AM
Snatch – Heavy Single--68#
Then 85%x1x3

Lunch--5 Blocks (trying to gain 10lbs)
5 oz grilled ham
1 block collard greens
2 blocks cooked carrots and celery
2 blocks pear
5 blocks almond butter

Missed snack

Dinner--4 Blocks
4 oz grilled chicken
4 blocks pear
2 blocks avocado
2 blocks almond butter

PM WOD

Original plan was to do Diane
Failed at first HSPU--proof positive of overtraining, so

Clean and Jerk--Heavy Single 98#
Then 85% X 1X3
Couldn't even rise from 98# clean, so DONE--home to bed.

Snack
3 blocks ham
3 blocks pear
3 blocks almond butter

NOTES:

It is truly a challenge to run a business (especially a new one, which you are trying to get off the ground) and train 100%. My biggest weakness is lack of sleep. However, after last night, I REALLY GOT HOW IMPERATIVE IT IS that I decide that sleep is important.

So, from now on, I am shooting for 7 hours a night. That's a huge improvement over 5. I will note what happens here.

I sent a letter to The Paleo Diet Newsletter recently, when I realized I have been suffering from IBD. How cool is this? They responded to me personally. This letter confirms what I have been noticing regarding what foods I eat and shed some light on some others (ie chili--I wondered why I suffered so badly the week I made chili--thought it might be the chili powder--indeed, I was right).

I am so impressed to have received such personalized attention. Here is the letter in full, in case it might help any of you suffering from IBD symptoms (diarrhea, chronic stomach ache--especially after eating certain foods, etc.)


"Dear Shannon,

Indeed, inflammatory bowel disease (Ulcerative Colitis & Crohn's Disease)
patients usually do very well with The Paleo Diet, as nutrients are one of
the main environmental triggers of this condition.
Crohn's disease is an autoimmune disease where the immune system mounts an
attack against its own tissues, in this case the cells lining the intestine.

For an autoimmune disease to occur we need a genetic predisposition and an
environmental trigger.
The genetic predisposition depends on genes coding for the HLA system.
On the other side, one of the environmental triggers may be nutrition,
besides infections, geography (vitamin D deficiency), physical trauma or
vaccination.

One of the key points in this process is increased intestinal permeability.
This means that the gut barrier allows increased passage of bacterial or
food proteins (antigens) into peripheral circulation, skipping a process
known as oral tolerance. Once antigens get in contact with the immune system
located in the gut associated lymphoid tissue, they may elicit a T-cell
mediated immune response against those antigens.
If the molecular structure of the dietary or bacterial antigens is similar
to that of the HLA system (part of the immune system presenting cells
machinery), chances are that a cross reaction between foreign antigens and
self antigens (produced by T-cells) occur. This is termed molecular mimicry
and leads to self injury by the adaptive immune system.

Hence, decreasing intestinal permeability is one of the treatment targets.
There are several nutrients known to increase intestinal permeability that
you may want to avoid, at least until symptoms subside. Here you have a list
of them and the noxious substance in brackets:

-Cereal grains (lectins and gliadin)
-Legumes, including soya and peanuts (lectins and saponins)
-Tomato (tomato lectin and alpha-tomatin)
-Potato (lectins and saponins)
-Chili (capsaicin)
-Quillaja (foaming substance)
-Quinoa (saponins)
-Egg white (lisozyme)
-Alfalfa sprouts (saponins)
-Amaranth (saponins)
-Alcohol

Moreover, some nutrients exert an adjuvant-like activity (they stimulate the
immune system), which is something you don't want to if you are suffering
from an autoimmune disease. Nutrients containing adjuvants:
-Quillaja extract, found in root beer
-Tomato alpha-tomatine

Dairy products and vegetable oils also have deleterious effects upon your
immune system.

I hope this helps.


Maelán Fontes Villalba.

Center for Primary Health Care Research
Faculty of Medicine, Lund University
Malmö, Sweden"



Dr. Barry Sears also claims The Zone helps IBD sufferers, so I am doing Paleo foods in Zone proportions. I have been doing this for one week, with ZERO IBD symptoms. Most excellent!

Happy New Year (Almost)

So as per tradition, I am spending some time looking at what I did this past year and what I need to improve upon.

I think I've documented most of my major victories quite well on this blog, and I anticipate many new ones in the year to come.

There are some new road blocks in my path, however, that I need to address.

First off, I have been suffering from some sort of intestinal ailment since July of this year. After much research and consideration, I am pretty sure I either have Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis. I am not a hypochondriac. Indeed, I have not been sick for almost 2 years--not even a cold.

However, the continuous and regular onset of colonic pain and diarrhea are symptoms of both, and I'm finding that naming it is helping me to figure out what to do next.

I hate doctors, and I really don't trust them.

So my first action will be to dial in my nutrition 100%--no sugar, no coffee, no dairy and I have to watch the fatty meats and too many nuts, as I've noticed those foods tend to bring it on worse.

The second action, is an experiment. I am going to go 100% Paleo/Zone rather than the Paleo "sort of" Zone diet I have been on for the last 4 months. Dr. Sears has done some experiments using the Zone to keep down inflammation, and Crohn's disease is essentially inflammation of the intestinal track--namely the colon.

I am going to log my food and reactions here mainly for myself, as it's pretty boring stuff for others to read, and we'll see what happens.

If it gets worse, I'll give the old medical establishment a try. If it doesn't, then obviously that won't be necessary.

The idea of living with a colostomy bag (worse case scenario if it were to get drastically worse) is obviously something I'd like to avoid. Gross.

Now the Good News!

The good news is that there are only a few short months left before regionals, so what an opportune time to go perfect on my nutrition anyway.

It's time to get serious. I at least want to know that I went in giving my best effort.

I'll start recording my daily WODs and efforts here as well. I am inspired by some of my CrossFit Heroines--Kate Rawlings being my favorite of late!

My current PR's, along with the dates (for most) are already on my blog. I will update them as they improve.

Having only been CrossFitting for 17 months, and starting out weaker than the average bear, I am an underdog. But if I can improve my stats in a big way over the next few months, at least I'll know in my heart of hearts that I gave it my all.

Onward ho!

Happy Birthday to Me

I did Filthy 50's for the first time on Friday. My time sucked at 40:38, but at least I could hit the standard. (I really think I should've done much better than that!)

Today, as a birthday present to myself, I ran a 5K this am. My time was 22:26--not a PR, but I loved the fact that the dude who blew past me in the last 100 feet was 68!!!

I also did "Nancy" today to standard. 5X for time of 400m sprint followed by 15 OHS at 65#. I did it in 18:55.

If there's one thing I'm certain of, it's that I keep getting stronger and better as I get older. No longer do we as humans have to dread aging!

My Mom once told me that life begins at forty. She is right.

Thank you to all of my friends, my coaches, my clients and all of those who have helped me or I have been able to help along the way. This is a beautiful journey we are traveling, and I am blessed to get to travel this with each of you.

Cindy PR!

Coolness.

I PR'ed on Cindy last week (AMRAP in 20 of 5 pull ups, 10 push ups, 15 squats--finally making it to 15 rounds.

8 rounds was all I could eek out 5 months ago, 12 rounds 3 months ago, now 15.

And what I really dig is knowing that I can do even better.

My heroes, Donna, CJ and Anel hold scores of 16, 19 and 19 respectively.

My friend, CJ, blows me away with how strong she is. She weighs 112 and can front squat 145.

The best thing about seeing that is KNOWING that I have so much room to grow.

I weigh 122 and my front squat just hit 120 recently.

Thank the gods my boyfriend loves a woman with muscles, cause I'm not going to stop lifting any time soon. This is more fun that Christmas!

Another thing I find interesting is that tearing (my hands) barely fazes me any more. It's more of a nuisance (and a pain in the ass while they are healing)than anything else. Even the thought of washing my hands used to send the fear of death down me. Now I'll just pick off the skin, pour on the "stingy" soap and get it over with already.

That's it. CrossFit just makes you tougher.

(By the way, this is an old "tear" pic. I only tore 2 very small ones this time.)

If You Don't Stand for Something....

Recently, I've had the opportunity to really be challenged regarding what I believe. Interestingly enough, this has occurred in many areas of my life. However, the one that stands out the most has been a challenge to "why I teach CrossFit".

I have a fitness Boot Camp. Although CrossFit based, it only incorporates 85-90% bodyweight only workouts, due to the fact that it is outside. I occasionally incorporate kettle bells, medicine balls (thanks, Eric and Vanessa!) and dumbbells, and we still have WOD's that vary in intensity and length--just like a "regular" CrossFit. We use zero barbells, and we don't do any of the power or olympic lifts, so it is not "truly" CrossFit, but otherwise, it is the same.

That being said, I teach what I have been taught.

With the exception of this ONE client, ALL of my clients have seen improvements across all 10 general physical skills to one degree or another.

This one client who didn't improve, ultimately turned against CrossFit and it's methodologies saying they were "unsafe" and "a fad."

This client (now ex-client) told me that dumbbells and kettlebells should only be used for curling and that machines in "Globo Gyms" enable him to do "standard" lifts.

He runs 2 5K's about 3-4x per week. And indeed, his most recent 5K was an improvement over his last one.

But so was mine...only I didn't run hardly at all. The ONLY running I did was a 5K 3 months prior (in which I also PR'ed), some running with my clients when our WOD's called for them, a few sprint workshops with Kristy or with my clients, and whatever 200, 400 or 800 meter runs any of the CrossFit WOD's I did in the last few months called for.

Additionally, I also improved my deadlift, backsquat, frontsquat, snatch, clean and jerk, press, bench press, max deadhang pull ups, max CTD push ups and max kipping pull ups during the same interim.

Yet this client is CONVINCED that CrossFit is junk. I even suggested he try a CrossFit that offers 100% of what is recommended (so he could experience the true strength training element), before he could pass judgement on such, but instead, he referred me to an article he read stating that CrossFit is a fad.

Funny.

The best thing this experience taught me was that I DO WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE IN CROSSFIT. It is a legitimate, proven program, and this gave me a great opportunity to defend it.

After going to Bally Total Fitness for TEN YEARS and running 2 miles almost daily, I could do ZERO push ups, ZERO pull ups and lift ALMOST ZERO weight when I found Team CrossFit Academy.

For me, the proof is so strong, it is irrefutable.

But much like the article Eric posted last week, it isn't for everyone.

And I'm okay with that.

Finally Managed "Karen" to Standard

Holy Moly.

It's funny how far I've come. It amazes me. I am proud.

Just a little more than a year ago, I so vividly recall a WOD with wallballs. I don't know what weight ball I had; I can only assume it was a 16 pounder. I do recall there was at least one set of 25 repetitions. I recall believing that doing wallballs was the single most difficult thing I had ever done. I watched all of the others in the class finish and go outside to do whatever else the WOD called for. I sat inside and struggled--wanting to cry and give up.

But something deep inside of me kept going.

More importantly, someone pushed me and believed I was capable of doing it. He kept insisting I could do things I never ever thought possible. And somewhere along the way, I started believing him.

Since then,I've achieved goals I set and then some. I continue to raise the bar for myself, and miraculously, I continue to reach even those seemingly star-high goals.

But I don't do it alone. I cannot.

It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes excellent coaches to raise an athlete. I think it also takes excellent competition, camaraderie and spirit which I are lucky to have found at TCFA.

What great joy it is to be alive!

Dreamin' Big

I want to go to the Games in 2010.

I am not the strongest. I have a long way to go.

But if I don't believe I can do it, I'm already done.

I am going to do this.

I am FIERCE, baby!

Bring on the OHS, GHD's, Double Unders, Muscle Ups and Handstand Push Ups! Bring on Fran, the bitch. Bring on WEIGHT.

I am ready to take this CrossFit thing to the next level!!!

"Feelin' Groovy"

God it's amazing what happens in life when you DECIDE to make a change, admit you have a problem, then DO something about it.

Funny how free I feel now that I finally allowed myself to "bare it all, baby!"

Recently, I started a Paleo Challenge that The Jer, Voltron and a few others challenged folks to. I quit dairy. I had already quit sugar and gluten, so that part was easy. I quit drinking (my own decision--not part of the challenge.)

It is truly amazing where life will take you if you let it.

Dairy, especially grain fed dairy, elicits an insulin response much like grains do, which is why it's not part of the Paleo diet. What's really interesting here, is that I had already given up dairy...EXCEPT for the cream I put in my coffee. Admittedly, I drink about 1/8 c. half n half per cup, and I drink 2-3 cups per day but when I gave this up, I have to admit, I noticed a pronounced difference.

I used to get sleepy right after I drank my coffee. I mean dopey sleepy. I got a noticeable insulin response, but I wasn't ready to do anything about it.

Coffee also, to some degree, elicits an insulin response. I am very very sensitive to insulin. I know I was heading towards diabetes when I gave up sugar and alcohol the first time, which is one of the reasons I quit. Robb Wolf mentioned that the AMA keeps raising the "rules" for what constitutes diabetes specifically so they don't have to admit that we are in the midst of an epidemic.

I'm thin; I'm supposed to be immune from all that!

Bullshit.

Anyway, giving up cream is putting me one step closer to "all day long nirvana." I eat, I feel good. I am feeling less and less exhausted after meals, unlike how I used to feel.

This is excellent.

August 31 is my new sobriety date.

Thanks to everyone for your support.

My Deal

It's been a long time since I've written on the blog. Truth be told, now that I'm in a position of "authority" (coaching a bootcamp and interning at TCFA), I've been a bit reticent to "let it all hang out" like I used to.

I've been censoring myself. "Should I say that?" "Does that sound unprofessional?" "Is that a bad thing to let others see?", etc.

FUCK IT!

I have discovered something about myself. Actually, I've always known this, but I'll say it loud and clear here: I NEED TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE TO OTHERS.

I LIKE for people to see my wins, my losses, my pain, my frustration, my anger, my angst. I NEED to at least feel that someone is paying attention, so that I can't get away with murder. I need to spill my guts. I need to tell on myself. I need to be allowed to be imperfect, and I don't care if anyone has a problem with that.

So there. I feel better getting that out.

Now onto the real reasons I need to write:

I AM RECOMMITTING TO SOBRIETY.

Once again, I don't care if you think drinking is awesome or you want to drink or you like to drink or you don't think I (or anyone else) needs to not drink. I don't.

"What's true for you, is what's true for you. It is what you have observed yourself."

YOU may be able to handle, beer, gluten, flour and dog poo for all I care. I CANNOT.

There are certain things that I allow myself from time to time--alcohol and sugar being two of them.

BUT...especially with alcohol it then becomes too much of a battle, and I have better things I'd rather think about.

Here's the deal. It's not that I have to drink, that I crave a drink (okay maybe a little) or anything like that.

It's that because I've spent so much of my life SOBER, I know how much better I can be without it, and the comparison of "before" and "after" pisses me off.

When I start allowing myself to drink on the weekends, my performance suffers during the week. My mood suffers. My drive to succeed suffers.

Sometimes it's only a little bit, but it's there. I KNOW THIS.

And I can't stand it any longer.

I can't stand watching myself become more interested in "relaxing with a beer" than running. I can't stand when I'd rather have a glass of wine than train.

I AM FIERCELY COMPETITIVE, AND I MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR THIS.

And I can't stand to think I am losing my edge--even just a little bit.

SO I AM BACK ON THE WAGON AGAIN...BY CHOICE!!!!!

Because, dammit, I want to go to the games next year. I want to be competitive. I want to be better than I am. And for me, each time I say no to alcohol and sugar I get a little bit mentally tougher. Each time I don't give into those urges, I gain confidence and I PHYSICALLY feel better.

Truth be told, NOT DRINKING MAKES ME EDGY...and I LOVE taking that edginess and putting it into training. It's the same reason I enjoy a bit of self-denial in my food choices. I am in control. The food and alcohol are not.

Lots of athletes don't drink. Many coaches prohibit it during the training season.

This is something I WANT for myself.

There I said it.

I feel much better now.

I AM COMMITTING TO STAYING SOBER THROUGH MY BIRTHDAY, NOVEMBER 14TH, FOR STARTERS.